I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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