If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
