He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
