they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
