already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
