I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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