We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
