I accidentally had phone sex last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
