Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
