using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
