hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
