My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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