when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
