Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
