if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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