i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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