i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
