Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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