just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
