Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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