I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
