I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wish my penis had a tongue
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
