I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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