I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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