i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
