theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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