He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
