i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
