My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
