So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
