saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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