think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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