I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
