I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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