Pregnant stripper...not hot.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
