They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
