his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
