I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
