we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
