I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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