its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
