I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
