Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
