took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
