I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
