my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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