she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
