butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
