a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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