I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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