guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
